Relationship educator Denise Culley of Paradise has been there. In her search for "Mr. Right" she filtered possible mates by outward appearance and "chemistry." The search proved futile and the pile of failed relationships grew. Over time she found a better way and now has published a workbook and coordinated website based on a key insight for the female:
"Accept your role as 'Man Whisperer.' A Man Whisperer is a woman who knows that her role is to guide a man to success as a partner, by cleverly teaching him what he needs to know. Assuming he knows how to be a great partner to you or expecting him to 'read your mind' in your relationship is living on fantasy island and will eventually blow up one day."
The "SoulMate Map: 10 Steps To Picking A Better Mate" ($19.97 in paperback and popular e-book formats, published by Relationships 123, found on SoulMate Plan's website, http://soulmateplan.com) "is for women who are either stuck, need inspiration, trying to let go, or ready to finally have great love in their life!"
The first step to success is, paradoxically, to stop dating, or at least dating seriously. During that respite Culley urges her readers to complete a series of lists contained in the workbook which are designed to focus on the attributes the reader is really looking for in a man. Culley shows how to combine the lists (which include what the reader admires in others as well as self-assessments) into a "SoulMate Map." "Sometimes," she writes, "we ourselves can't see when a man isn't good for us because we are blinded by love, or what we think is love."
The idea is to create a new lens through which to see men. Culley finally found her soulmate, but at first she thought he was kind of a "dork" and wasn't really attracted to him. They became friends and long conversations together began to reveal his deeper qualities, the very qualities she really wanted in her life.
Bottom line: "A man in love will demonstrate a powerful ambition to discover your happiness and deliver it to you. That passion for your happiness is the most reliable cue you could hope for." If you don't know what makes you happy, how can you tell him?