"The Corporate Weenie Almanac"

Humor writer C.L. Smith's father died on Memorial Day in 2021 at the age of 99. In Smith's new book, a sequel of sorts to "Tongue In Chico," the Chico State grad pictures his dad, proud in his military uniform, and acknowledges that he didn't like the first book and wouldn't have liked the second. "But," he writes, "I will still always love and miss him anyway. Semper fi."

As for the new book, it's "a satirical look at current pop culture and the modern workplace, gleaned from my 30 years as a marketing executive in the fast-food and telecommunications industries." Think lousy puns (but I repeat myself), politically incorrect observations, naughty innuendo. And that's just page 1.

"The Corporate Weenie Almanac" ($7.45 in paperback from Tenderfoot Books; also for Amazon Kindle), designed and illustrated by Randy Nowell, is like Mad Magazine with a bit more leering.

A corporate weenie is "a humanoid denizen of the managerial class, known primarily for kissing up to superiors while lording their presumed authority over resentful subordinates in the modern workplace." If you've ever had an office job, you know one, but, of course, you've never been one. So take heart: this book isn't written for you.

The food section features "recipes for disaster," including "The Bad Hire." "Ingredients: (1) urgent need to fill a key position, (1) imminent hiring freeze, (1) Yay! The perfect candidate. Instructions: Skip background check. Ignore 1-3 sketchy references. Why? The freeze is coming! Marinate and simmer. Newbie skips new-hire orientation. Calls in sick the next day. Files long-term disability claim. Bring to boil. Sues company for emotional distress. The resumé was fake. It's HR's fault! Update your own fake resumé ASAP."

Mix in corporate cliches, like "Let's Circle Back on That" (a way to forget something); pandemic mask-wearing as pop art; politically correct classic rock ("I Saw Her Standing There by The Beatles. Pronoun problem. Change the title and lyrics to 'I Saw Her/Him/Them Standing/Sitting/Lying/Chilling/Twerking There'"); Tongue in Chico advice; and cosmic weenie astrology—and you have a recipe for a wonderful backyard BBQ. 

To get the conversation going, the pages make great starter material, if you know what I mean.

"Inspired To Be..."

Sacramento-based Crystel Patterson (crystelpatterson.com), one of the featured authors at the recent Chocolate Festival in Paradise, was drawn by the story of rebuilding and resilience.

That same spirit is evident in her three self-published children's books, each beautifully illustrated by Briana Young and available in Amazon Kindle format, "inspired by the culture, experiences, and dreams of Black people with the goal of inspiring all children." 

The first in the "Inspired To Be..." series, "One Flip, Two Flip, Three Flip, Four" ($9.01 in paperback) tells the story of Ruby, inspired, Patterson writes, "by Gabby Douglas, a gymnast who became the first African American to win the individual all-around event at the 2012 Summer Olympics when she was 16 years old."

Ruby's energy leads to "flipping all around the house/ landing light as a mouse." Gymnastics lessons bring "cartwheels, handstands, tucks and pikes" and eventually a gold medal. "She knew it in her heart./ Her dreams would true true.../ Now, what about you?"

The second book, "I Am Different" ($13.58 paperback), is "dedicated to all the children who look and feel different. I hope you already love or will learn to love everything that makes you stand out ... despite the mixed reactions." The story is about Malachi, Nia, and Ekon, three children who endure stinging words about their skin color, name, or hair. 

"My hair is different, this I know. My hair is different, and it shows./ So mixed reactions I receive, I wonder who I should believe." The answer? "I believe those who matter to me/ My family and friends who uplift me./ They always see the best in me/ Which is what I see when I look at me!" (A glossary of the some of the key words used in the book are intended to spur family discussion about race.)

In "Superheroes Here And There" ($8.25 in paperback), inspired by the late actor Chadwick Boseman, young James asks his parents if superheroes are real. Well, "they can't walk through solid walls, that's for sure." But they "remove obstacles to help us soar.... Like your mom or dad, a teacher or friend.../ Whose powers aren't super, but human instead."

We could use more humanity.

"A Cruel Oblivion: A Tess Alexander Mystery"

It begins with Bay Area investigative journalist Tess Alexander reading a puzzling news report about a rich family. Rennie Matlock, just 13, used a letter opener to kill her mother, Cliona, an Irish model. Her developer stepfather, Simon Matlock, holds plenty of political sway and eventually becomes a State Senator. Rennie had everything. The murder doesn't make sense.

Thereby hangs a tale in Nevada County writer Joan Merriam's new novel "A Cruel Oblivion: A Tess Alexander Mystery" ($10.99 in paperback, self-published; also for Amazon Kindle). Merriam (facebook.com/JoanMerriamAuthor) writes the Casey's Corner column for this newspaper about the care and feeding of dogs, and wouldn't you know that Tess' sidekick is Cooper, "from Homeward Bound Golden Retriever Rescue."

When Tess, a Pulitzer Prize winner, moves to "the small community of Deer Valley, about seventy miles northeast of Sacramento," Cooper becomes her "Velcro" dog, always sticking close. 

Then, when Rennie herself is found dead, police call it a suicide. Tess is convinced it's murder.

Merriam's novel, she notes on Facebook, "was just awarded the Eric Hoffer Book Award in the E-Book category" and was a finalist for the grand award. Hers is a worthy win. Compellingly written, with smooth-as-silk prose, the story draws readers into Tess' world as she conducts her own investigation.

Family mysteries multiply and so do revelations, and Tess is put in mortal danger. "Truth crept in on languid cat's feet," Merriam writes in one of the book's epigraphs, "in no rush to reveal itself." Doggedly probing behind the scenes, Tess is no one's lapdog. "Much as she loved her work, she hated being associated with the packs of media hyenas that passed for reporters these days...." But looking beyond official press releases could get you killed.

Tess sometimes senses when things aren't right; her skin crawls; visions swirl around her, but they are often cryptic even as they propel her deeper into deadly secrets. When the truth finally makes its way onstage, and there's a reordering of Tess' own troubled past, readers may feel like Cooper, "an amber tornado, racing from one end of the house to the other, dancing circles around Tess." 

Now it all makes sense.

"She's Missing"

"Follow the money." For Chico novelist, retired dentist and licensed pilot Mike Paull, Deep Throat's advice needs a corollary: "Doing so could get you killed." Especially in a spy thriller.

Stakes are high in "She's Missing" ($14.95 in paperback from Wings ePress, Inc.; also for Amazon Kindle), a follow-up to "Missing." In that earlier book a team of Americans from "the Agency," including fifty-something Craig Cooper ("Coop") and forty-something Zoe Fields, track down rumors of a hoard of gold just after Saddam Hussein's death in late 2006.

Now it's late 2010 and desk-bound Coop fields an urgent call from Zoe's domestic partner, Lara Graf, calling from Cyprus. The two are "on holiday" and now Zoe has disappeared from their hotel. It's a gut-punch to Coop. "The last time he talked to his fellow agent and best friend was before she saved his life and disappeared to Zurich with the nine million dollars the two of them had recovered...."

Coop cares little about the money; but now that Zoe is in trouble he must break his promise to his wife, Fran, and their young teenage son, Josh, not to go back to the field.

Then a memo from the Director of National Intelligence reports Israeli Mossad agents are on the trail of a suspected Iranian spy--Zoe. She had supposedly wired the money to a source that would send it to the Mossad Director. Instead it ended up in Iran.

Soon Coop, tapping resources for a Gulfstream G550 and its crack pilot, is winging his way to Cyprus only to encounter Mossad agent Lev Cohen with whom he partners (at least for a while). Lev works for Rachel Kagan and both are answerable to the Mossad Director. Everyone wants to find Zoe. Let's play together!

Coop knows better. Soon Zoe makes contact, the Mossad Director is murdered (Zoe is blamed), and the two must exonerate Zoe by finding out where the money went--and who killed the Director.

Paull's twisty tale and propulsive action unwind a cagey deception as Coop and friends "follow the money." From spycraft to aircraft, and a nail-biting trip into Iran, the novel keeps readers in suspense until the last, bittersweet page.

"We'll Laugh About This (Someday): Essays On Taking Life A Smidge Too Seriously"

Anna Lind Thomas (AnnaLindThomas.com), now living in Omaha with husband Rob and their two daughters, graduated with an MA in Communication Studies from Chico State. While there she met Rob through Match.com and they agreed to an in-person date at Olive Garden. 

That date would change her personal and professional life and result in a fart heard around the country. 

When Anna and Rob first locked eyes, "I don't know how to explain it," she writes, "other than to say when I saw him, I saw my husband." It was love at first sight for him as well, and it's a good thing. They drove over to the mall to do some shopping. And then it hit.

"Gas strikes in two different ways--uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying." She made some kind of excuse about not feeling well, but as Rob was driving her home it happened. "A horrific fart cloud. Not in an 'Am I smelling something?' sort of way. More like an 'Is someone dead and rotting in your trunk, and am I in hell?' sort of way."

The tale went viral and Thomas left Chico to take up humor writing fulltime. Her first book is full of common scents, so to speak, as she takes up raising two daughters who want to know about mommy parts, body image ("I'm almost forty now and the chubby girl is still there") and coming to terms with overlarge fears. Does that late night thump mean there's a murderer in the house? Rob, go see!

"We'll Laugh About This (Someday): Essays On Taking Life A Smidge Too Seriously" ($18.99 in paperback from Nelson Books/HarperCollins Christian Publishing and for Amazon Kindle) also comes in an author-narrated audiobook. (Thomas hosts the "It's Not That Serious" podcast.)

Thomas faces multiple miscarriages and a falling out with a business partner. But God gave her a dream even "as a little girl.... I wanted to make people laugh, see themselves in my words, and have hope."

She's not tooting her own horn. The dream really did come true.