"Life Talks Wisdoms"

Peggy Jennings-Severe, a retired Butte College administrator, has created a series of books and workshops designed around what she calls "Life Talks" (lifetalksbook.com). People want to share their "view of the world" with us if we would but ask the right questions. One can ask elders about their most cherished memories or a graduate about what's scary up ahead.

The first Life Talks books were about questions; the new one is about answers. "Life Talks Wisdoms" ($15 in paperback from CreateSpace; also planned for Amazon Kindle) is by Jennings-Severe and her son, Ben Severe, "with contributions from our grandfather and great-grandfather Earl Dickinson." It's a collaboration in answering the question "what have you learned so far in life?"

"Wisdoms" is plural in the book's title because, as Ben writes, "Wisdom is relative…. Different life experiences can filter the meaning of what it is to be wise. Please do not take this as us telling you what wisdom is but as what wisdom means to us. We challenge you to think independently, to apply your own biases, and--most importantly--to talk with your family, friends, and peers about them!"

There are three lists of life lessons, with reactions from Peggy and Ben throughout, and the reader is taken inside the hearts of three generations. Just before "Grandpa Earl" died, in 1965, he gave thirteen suggestions "to his very fine grandchildren" especially for their teenage years. Peggy wrote her list of twenty-five lessons for a keynote presentation on campus, when she was 57. Ben, 28, wrote his list for his parents' retirement party.

Speaking of parents, Grandpa Earl said: "Your parents are not old 'fuddy duddies' or 'squares,' and don't let anybody tell you they are." From Peggy's list: "You are more important than you think. You are less important than you think." For Ben: "Live with integrity."

The extended comments in the book from mother and son are poignant and thoughtful, a testament to the purpose--and wisdom--they have found in their lives.

Peggy Jennings-Severe is the scheduled guest on Nancy's Bookshelf, with host Nancy Wiegman, on Wednesday, February 7, at 10:00 a.m. on Northstate Public Radio, mynspr.org (KCHO 91.7 FM on air).

Former Chico resident on how to stay married to a cop

"My family and I moved to Chico in 1973," writes Victoria Newman. "I was enrolled in John McManus Elementary, when in 4th grade, Mrs. Carroll told my mother in a teacher's conference that I had a talent for writing." Now, after marriage to a California Highway Patrol officer and four children, Newman brings that talent to fruition with "A CHiP On My Shoulder: How To Love Your Cop With Attitude" ($13.99 in paperback from Tate Publishing; also available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble Nook e-book formats).

Written from the perspective of an officer's wife, the book is a comprehensive, insightful and honest how-to guide that will benefit any law enforcement spouse. Newman draws on her own marriage (the family now lives in Southern California where her husband Brent works) as well as interviews with dozens of other officers' wives. "It took me years to understand that when my husband puts on his uniform and weaponry, he has to put on his mind armor as well. What he does requires body and mind, even a little of his soul." It's not the time for idle chatter.

Newman is scheduled to speak and sign her book this Saturday, April 21, from 3:00 - 5:00 p.m. at Chico's Barnes and Noble.

"I've had a CHiP on my shoulder for over two decades now. We've had a wild and crazy adventure with twists and turns and some seasons I don't care to repeat. ... I love him more now than in those early days. But that love didn't grow without choosing my attitudes carefully. I'd say this is the key to the success of our marriage and the heart of this book."

Newman had to learn to "hold down the fort" when her husband wasn't available, but she also provides a cautionary note. "We married rescuers. Our guys want to be needed. We must keep this in mind, making sure that we don't become so independent that we cease to need them. I'm talking about balance here, and there is no formula." This wise book, and its associated website (how2loveyourcop.com), cover communication, emotions, building a support system, coping when hard times come, money and marriage, sex and marriage, and kids.

And "growing old together."

Finding the right man in the new year

Relationship educator Denise Culley of Paradise has been there. In her search for "Mr. Right" she filtered possible mates by outward appearance and "chemistry." The search proved futile and the pile of failed relationships grew. Over time she found a better way and now has published a workbook and coordinated website based on a key insight for the female:

"Accept your role as 'Man Whisperer.' A Man Whisperer is a woman who knows that her role is to guide a man to success as a partner, by cleverly teaching him what he needs to know. Assuming he knows how to be a great partner to you or expecting him to 'read your mind' in your relationship is living on fantasy island and will eventually blow up one day."

The "SoulMate Map: 10 Steps To Picking A Better Mate" ($19.97 in paperback and popular e-book formats, published by Relationships 123, found on SoulMate Plan's website, http://soulmateplan.com) "is for women who are either stuck, need inspiration, trying to let go, or ready to finally have great love in their life!"

The first step to success is, paradoxically, to stop dating, or at least dating seriously. During that respite Culley urges her readers to complete a series of lists contained in the workbook which are designed to focus on the attributes the reader is really looking for in a man. Culley shows how to combine the lists (which include what the reader admires in others as well as self-assessments) into a "SoulMate Map." "Sometimes," she writes, "we ourselves can't see when a man isn't good for us because we are blinded by love, or what we think is love."

The idea is to create a new lens through which to see men. Culley finally found her soulmate, but at first she thought he was kind of a "dork" and wasn't really attracted to him. They became friends and long conversations together began to reveal his deeper qualities, the very qualities she really wanted in her life.

Bottom line: "A man in love will demonstrate a powerful ambition to discover your happiness and deliver it to you. That passion for your happiness is the most reliable cue you could hope for." If you don't know what makes you happy, how can you tell him?