“50 Ways To Enjoy Life More”

Barbara Stamps Kimball “contracted polio as an adult, which led her to a spiritual quest and personal growth.” So writes her daughter, Chico State Sociology professor emerita Gayle Kimball. In 2025 Gayle found the manuscript for a book Barbara wrote in the 1980s. “50 Ways To Enjoy Life More” ($14.99 in paperback from Chico’s Equality Press; also for Amazon Kindle) is a “memorial to her grace and inspiration.”

Each short chapter features encouraging stories, some from Barbara’s own life, that highlight aspects of a more positive view on life. In “The Magic of Praise” she writes: “Close your eyes and think of five things you can praise about your partner, your child, or your friend. Now write them down. When the time is apropos, pass on your honest positives to these individuals. Remember, ‘Now’s the time to slip it to him for he cannot read his tombstone when he’s dead.’”

The author draws on names readers of a certain age might especially be familiar with, including the “hugging professor” Leo Buscaglia; psychiatrist Gerald Jampolsky; writer Napoleon Hill (“Think and Grow Rich); est founder Werner Erhard; and Buddhism exponent Alan Watts.

Influenced by the writing of Ernest Holmes (“Science of Mind”) and Helen Schucman’s “channeled” book “A Course In Miracles,” Barbara’s source of encouragement flows from a religious/metaphysical view different than my own. 

She writes that “All the great sages, teachers, and wise ones down through the ages have told us of the importance of faith … in ourselves as part of God. … What you give out, positively or negatively, returns to you in kind, but it may not come from the same source. The law of karma (cause and effect) is as precise in its operations as the rotation of the planets….”

Yet many of her observations have a universal ring. “Each of us,” she writes, “has the choice to harbor old hates and grievances, like the famed Hatfields and McCoys, and carry them on our backs for years or we can choose to unload them and travel with a light and joyous step. The secret: love and forgiveness. Forgiveness brings new wings of freedom,” the freedom of a child.

“Meditations For Mortals: Four Weeks To Embrace Your Limitations And Make Time For What Counts”

British author Oliver Burkeman (oliverburkeman.com) invites readers dogged by perfectionism and proliferating to-dos to join him on a mind retreat. Enter “Meditations For Mortals: Four Weeks To Embrace Your Limitations And Make Time For What Counts” ($27 in hardcover from Farrar, Straus and Giroux; also for Amazon Kindle).

Each week’s theme (“Being Finite”; “Taking Action”; “Letting Go”; and “Showing Up”) explores what he calls “imperfectionism,” a realization that “the day is never coming when all the other stuff will be ‘out of the way,’ so you can turn at last to building a life of meaning and accomplishment that hums with vitality.”

Instead, accepting our limitations “is precisely how you build a saner, freer, more accomplished, socially connected and enchantment-filled life – and never more so than at this volatile and anxiety-inducing moment in history.”

Burkeman draws on insights from philosophers, psychologists, and spiritual writers of various traditions to open a door to what theorist Hartmut Rosa calls “resonance,” the world’s “capacity to touch, move and absorb us” when we recognize we are not, and can’t ever be, in total control of it.

He suggests some practical considerations, always recognizing they are not absolutes; we do indeed need to exert some control over our environment and sometimes must to do that pressing to-do. But if you can, he writes, “treat your to-do list as a menu”: “It’s surprising how many things do become more appetizing once you’re encountering them not as chores you have to plough through, but as options you get to pick.”

And this for people-pleasers: “It’s a fool’s errand … to make your sense of feeling OK dependent on knowing that everyone around you is feeling OK, too.” Be careful about worrying that others are thinking bad things about you; likely they’re not thinking of you at all. Novelist Leila Sales writes that “when I don’t respond to someone’s email, it’s because I’m busy, but when other people don’t respond to my emails, it’s because they hate me.”

“This, here and now, is real life. This is it.” Choose from the day’s menu, and go for it, even if imperfectly.

“You Can’t Complete Me—But I Can!: A Self-Love Story”

Hayley Kaplan graduated from Chico State with a Masters in Social Work, became a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and is the process of recovering from a lifetime of codependency. She learned through a series of painful attachments to half a dozen men in her life that “to desire love is perfectly normal and healthy, but healthy and normal gets lost when we go searching for external love as our primary source of identity, worth, or purpose.”

She tells her story in a brutally candid memoir, a thoughtful, sometimes humorous and even hopeful account of her progress when, as a married woman, she began an affair with a married man. “You Can’t Complete Me—But I Can!: A Self-Love Story” ($12.99 in paperback, independently published; also for Amazon Kindle) is a journey of humbling self-discovery. (Kaplan has also published a workbook with the same title, drawing on her professional training and using significant quotations from her memoir.)

Too often, she writes, when we want to express our “authentic selves” we learn instead to “grin and bury it,” so “when you’re desperate for love, you behave in desperate ways, and that tends to attract one-sided relationships.”

When she met “Dax” online in her twenties, he was “peace incarnate” after compulsive gambler “Chuck.” Yet “our communication styles … contradicted each other…. Waiting for Dax to complete a sentence was like waiting for a scab to heal…. I was a neurotic, multi-tasker who wanted to do things lickety-split, and it would take Dax longer than a minute to count to sixty.” So they got married.

Seven years later, after Kaplan had given Dax a back scratcher gag gift “for that seven year itch,” she and an acquaintance, “Leo,” became emotionally involved. Leo was married, and Kaplan was torn: “How do you hurt someone as kind and as loyal as Dax? You don’t. But then, how do you turn your back on a love as rare and true as my love for Leo? You don’t.”

There are painful but needful lessons ahead as what is buried is exposed, and what is exposed can, with help from others, bring some measure of completeness.

"Your Faithful Brain: Designed For So Much More!"

"Joy," writes Christian counselor Leonard Matheson, "is the designated state of a faithful brain, fully integrated with God, within itself and with others. Joy erupts as we're fully engaged in the moment."

After retiring from Washington University in St. Louis, and teaching graduate students in counseling at Covenant Theological Seminary, Matheson and his wife Mary moved to Chico where he is now in private practice, the founding director of Chico-based EPIC Neurorehabilitation & Psychology Services.

Drawing on his work in occupational therapy and neurology, Matheson views Christian spirituality through the lens of brain science. Published in 2014, "Your Faithful Brain: Designed For So Much More!" ($19.95 in paperback from WestBowPress; also for Amazon Kindle), by Leonard Matheson, PhD, is a popular (and very personal) exploration of his findings.

Chapters explore characteristics of the faithful brain (grace-blessed, loving, truth-guided) and include summaries and discussion questions. 

Though Matheson had pushed faith away, he writes that "God was placing in my life people who eventually would draw me back to Jesus, including Danny Munday" whom he met in "Rancho Los Amigos Hospital on the first day of my career, February 3, 1970." 

Shrunken with spinal muscular atrophy (he would die at 15), Danny was totally dependent on others to remove the mucous from his lungs before he choked to death. Yet Danny was joyful; his goal in life was to kiss Jane Fonda (and it actually happened). Matheson learned of "the potential for joy up close to death."

Though people make decisions, not brains, a key insight into more faithful decision-making is the neuroplasticity of the brain; it can change and adapt. "As we practice following Jesus," Matheson writes, "our values begin as ideas we can consider and then test. ... As this process repeats, neuroplasticity gradually creates neural patterns of values that permeate the brain," developing "our character to gradually reflect the character of Jesus."

Such alignment is never perfect; we can't fathom all the possible neural combinations, Matheson says, since there are a "Godzillion" of them. But he is convinced that our brains can be rehabilitated and that we can live a life of joy, even up close to death.

"Unpacking The Trauma: How To Heal And Create A Life You Love"

Dax Meredith (daxmeredith.com), the pen name of a Chico area author, college instructor and counselor, wrote of her escape from the Camp Fire in "The Sound Of The Snow Geese." Now, in a new book, Meredith offers a comprehensive approach to "Unpacking The Trauma" ($11.98 in paperback, self-published; also for Amazon Kindle).

Subtitled "How To Heal And Create A Life You Love," the book is not intended as a substitute for professional mental health advice. Rather, it offers a series of techniques, in forty-two short chapters, to "take your power back from what was a hurtful or harmful situation ... and then to purposefully focus instead on something positive."

Each chapter begins with a comment made by a hurting person, such as "I can't seem to find my way out of this. When does it end?" Meredith then discusses actions to take and follows with a summary of the steps. She writes with the voice of an imperfect human who has "been there" but who has found a way "to unpack that heavy trauma that is strapped to your body." 

So, "when does it end"? "It might pass like a ginormous, gnarly kidney stone when you are least expecting it," she replies, "but it will pass. Knowing that your situation is (or was) temporary is a key component of getting through it." She recognizes, though, that "with illness, pain, and grief, it isn't taking it one day at a time. It's often getting through moments at a time."

If you can get through the next couple of minutes, or even an hour, "pass the time with healthy strategies. Some of these include ... meditation, prayer, mindfulness, music, aromatherapy, acupressure, imagery, breathing, and mantras. Have a plan in place for what you want to use...."

Meredith's goal is for readers "to begin to see each day as an opportunity to define how you want your life to feel. ... Practice positive thinking (and positive feeling) every single day, and use your energy on what you can change or accomplish, instead of dwelling on the past, fear, or negative thoughts."

Meredith is a friendly and compassionate guide.

"Calm: How To Thrive In Challenging Times" and "Calm Parents And Children: A Guidebook"

Life coach Gayle Kimball, Chico State Department of Sociology professor emerita, has distilled her experiences in helping others cope with stress into two new books. 

"Calm: How To Thrive In Challenging Times" ($9.99 in paperback) and "Calm Parents And Children: A Guidebook" ($14.99 in paperback, with both available for Amazon Kindle) are published by Equality Press (see gaylekimball.info).

"Calm" lays out the principles Kimball uses while "Calm Parents And Children" draws on her surveys of kids around the world, the questions they have for parents, and applications of the principles to parenting.

For Kimball, the keys to calm involve "cognitive restructuring" ("we can rewrite our brains with our thought patterns") and healing through redirecting the deep energies of the body (she is a graduate of the Chico Psychic Institute, a Reiki 3 master, and is trained in using acupressure for "emotional clearing").

"Hard times," she writes, "can be our best teachers and a catalyst for change.... Of course, it's difficult to find any silver lining in being unemployed or ill," especially in the pandemic. But harmful emotions produced by isolation can drain the very energy needed to move forward. So "be aware of the feeling, focus on it, listen to it. Don't try to stuff it or ignore it. Then let it go into an imaginary container that you blow up, or down from you into the earth to recycle, or you can release feelings through physical exercise."

She notes that "visualizing images serves as a powerful way to harness the power of thoughts. We attract what we focus on; we program ourselves like computer software, so we need to examine our core beliefs, such as about our self-worth."

Her study of Generation Z (those born in the late nineties to around 2010) found "different norms from previous generations" (they tend to be progressive, spiritual but not religious, and accepting of gender fluidity). "Calm Parents And Children" suggests ways parents can respond to this generation in dealing with their strong-willed child, gender stereotyping, teenage addiction to social media, and young people who won't listen to authority.

Discerning readers will find much to ponder.

"Have Your Cake And Be Happy, Too: A Joyful Approach To Weight Loss"

Weight loss coach Michelle Hastie of Paradise is convinced that most diet programs get off on the wrong foot. They're all about limits and can't-haves. Her alternative "asks you to lose weight while living your life. In fact, this method of weight loss requires you to be so incredibly full of life that your body has no choice but to transform."

What that means is spelled out, encouragingly, in "Have Your Cake And Be Happy, Too: A Joyful Approach To Weight Loss" ($14.95 in paperback from Absolute Love Publishing, AbsoluteLovePublishing.com; also for Amazon Kindle). "You are going to lovingly step inside of your body and communicate with the deepest version of yourself," Hastie writes. "You become an expert not in nutrition or exercise, but in you and your body."

There are seven "steps" in Hastie's program (totalbodyhealthsolutions.com) which focus not only on "total body transformation" but "total life transformation." "Eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full," but do so in a context of living "connectedly, intentionally, joyously, truthfully, abundantly, deliciously, fully."

It's easy to indulge in pity parties and excuses when one "blows it." "If you feel like you can't tell the difference between excuses and truth, listen to your feelings. In yoga, there is an emphasis on body communication. The belief is that your body sends you messages through symptoms and feelings. … Always follow what makes you feel better. … If you are feeling lazy, either get up and move or be lazy and proud!"

Meditation and spirituality are important. "Whatever higher power or universal law you decide to trust … you can be assured that this higher power believes that you don't have to struggle. … When I don't know how to solve a problem, I close my eyes, breathe, and thank the universe for sending me the answers I am seeking."

In listening to the body's call for balance, moving from "can't have" to "choose not to have," "the body responds to your intentional and clear actions by loosening the waistline of your pants once again."

For Hastie, that's the bottom line of the bottom line.

"Life Talks Wisdoms"

Peggy Jennings-Severe, a retired Butte College administrator, has created a series of books and workshops designed around what she calls "Life Talks" (lifetalksbook.com). People want to share their "view of the world" with us if we would but ask the right questions. One can ask elders about their most cherished memories or a graduate about what's scary up ahead.

The first Life Talks books were about questions; the new one is about answers. "Life Talks Wisdoms" ($15 in paperback from CreateSpace; also planned for Amazon Kindle) is by Jennings-Severe and her son, Ben Severe, "with contributions from our grandfather and great-grandfather Earl Dickinson." It's a collaboration in answering the question "what have you learned so far in life?"

"Wisdoms" is plural in the book's title because, as Ben writes, "Wisdom is relative…. Different life experiences can filter the meaning of what it is to be wise. Please do not take this as us telling you what wisdom is but as what wisdom means to us. We challenge you to think independently, to apply your own biases, and--most importantly--to talk with your family, friends, and peers about them!"

There are three lists of life lessons, with reactions from Peggy and Ben throughout, and the reader is taken inside the hearts of three generations. Just before "Grandpa Earl" died, in 1965, he gave thirteen suggestions "to his very fine grandchildren" especially for their teenage years. Peggy wrote her list of twenty-five lessons for a keynote presentation on campus, when she was 57. Ben, 28, wrote his list for his parents' retirement party.

Speaking of parents, Grandpa Earl said: "Your parents are not old 'fuddy duddies' or 'squares,' and don't let anybody tell you they are." From Peggy's list: "You are more important than you think. You are less important than you think." For Ben: "Live with integrity."

The extended comments in the book from mother and son are poignant and thoughtful, a testament to the purpose--and wisdom--they have found in their lives.

Peggy Jennings-Severe is the scheduled guest on Nancy's Bookshelf, with host Nancy Wiegman, on Wednesday, February 7, at 10:00 a.m. on Northstate Public Radio, mynspr.org (KCHO 91.7 FM on air).

“Life Talks: The Conversations Continue”

Retired Butte College administrator Peggy Jennings-Severe opens her new “life talks” book with an homage to her mother, now gone more than a decade, and to her mother’s wisdom about the power of words. “We were taught that questions were the way you showed another person your interest and respect.”

In “Life Talks: The Conversations Continue” ($15 in paperback from CreateSpace; also for Amazon Kindle, with more details at facebook.com/lifetalksbook) Jennings-Severe provides a series of provocative, open-ended questions for life’s grand and not-so-grand moments. Such questions “encourage us to explore more deeply, with ourselves or others, our ideas and feelings and hear them out loud—exposing them to the light of day. …”

These questions can be added to family traditions, like holiday celebrations, which can add meaning to what might be “just another year.” For those who celebrate Christmas, there are twenty-five questions starting with the first day of December. For December 5: “If you had no money or decorations, how would you celebrate the holidays?” December 19: “Is your faith tested or strengthened, or both, during the Advent season?”

Chapters have a wide range, from questions you might (sensitively) ask in conversation with those from different cultures, to conversing with aging parents; from questions relating to “health issues, hospital stays and death” (including things to ask health care providers) to “sibling gatherings” (“In what way did our family misperceive you?”).

The author provides questions for “conversing with your children” (“Who are your heroes?”; “What is something you do really well?”) and for those in book clubs (“Would you like white wine or red wine?”; “Do any of the characters in the book have traits of people you know?”).

Each chapter opens with insightful observations about using open-ended questions as an approach to life (not as a gimmick). Jennings-Severe takes up questions for young couples, for empty nesters, those seeking the spiritual, people involved in long-distance relationships, those going through divorce. Throw in chapters on romance and sex, vacations, and reconciliation, and readers using “life talks” will learn more about themselves and those they love, and about the author as well, who has not yet met Oprah.

But there’s still time.    

Paradise author on living the life, losing the weight

“Standard weight loss advice,” writes Michelle Hastie of Paradise, “is built on the assumption that there is a cookie-cutter formula” to “getting the weight off—very rarely does it realistically concern itself with keeping it off.” Hastie, a weight loss coach, takes a different approach, spelled out in an easy-to-digest book that turns conventional wisdom on its head.

“The Weight Loss Shift: Be More, Weigh Less” ($14.95 in paperback from Absolute Love Publishing; also for Amazon Kindle) begins not with doing, but with being. “Getting your ideal body isn’t about what you do, it’s about how to think, feel, and act. It’s about who you are. To get the body you truly want, you must become one with the body you have now.”

In motivational chapters and insightful homework assignments Hastie makes the case that “self-love and self-care lead to weight loss, not weight gain. If you can’t learn how to love and accept your body just as it is, then you will continue to chase an impossible dream.” Your body knows what it needs, she says, and we need to listen. “If it says it wants pizza, eat it and then see how much pleasure an satisfaction you get. If it’s a lot, you know that pizza is something your body enjoys and should have.” If not, “lessen the amount … to serve your body in the highest way.”

What should our lifelong relationship with food be? Rather than see food as so many (ugh!) calories, see it as providing “emotional vitamins,” like nourishment and comfort (but not as a substitute for the healing work needed in other parts of our lives). “In order to create the most magnificent life for yourself, you have to get to the point where you can be happy just being you.”

As our view of ourselves changes, we will eat better and move more as we grow into what we are. The weight will come off.

Chico author on reclaiming the art of conversation

"I live with my husband and a pair of yellow labs in Northern California," writes Peggy Jennings-Severe, "and am currently a student services administrator" at Butte College. And, oh yes: "I want to meet Oprah."

While Oprah can talk to anyone about anything, it seems, striking up a conversation is for many people something of a lost art. Over the years Jennings-Severe "watched older couples at restaurants, seated across from each other, eating in silence, which felt incredibly sad and lonely to me." Going out on a dinner date with husband Rhys was awkward: "It was if I had nothing to say that didn't begin with or include our children."

Yet people yearn for meaningful contact. What if they had a fun way to start the conversation? "Although my family, friends, and colleagues chuckle, roll their eyes, and mildly moan when I tell them it's time for verbal cards or begin an activity designed to break the ice, I think they secretly look forward to it--well, maybe not all, but most."

What changed the author's family is now available in book form. "Life Talks: A Guide To Bringing Back Conversation" ($15 in paperback from CreateSpace; also in Amazon Kindle e-book format) offers key questions and activities for baby showers, reunions, long car rides, retirement, Valentine's Day, and many more (see lifetalksbook.com).

Lyon Books in downtown Chico will be hosting a book signing (and conversation!) Monday, August 26 at 7:00 p.m.

For birthday parties, the group gets in a circle and someone begins by saying "'What I appreciate about __ is...' (No sarcasm is allowed.)" Such verbal cards last far longer than Hallmark. The birthday person joins in, too: "What is the most valuable lesson you learned last year?" "What questions about your life do you want answered in the coming year?" At family gatherings, members sort cards each with a quality written on it, like "creativity," "religion" "winning." Which are the most important, or least important? Surprises abound as the conversation gets going.

Thanksgiving gatherings are a great place to start. "What five things remain on your bucket list?" "You have been given unlimited resources to create a totally new and unique theme park. What would it be?"

This book will get people talking.

Chicoan makes a list and checks it twice

For a long time the Carol Williamson had in mind publishing a fill-in-the-blanks reference book that would keep the information about one's life close at hand. As a publicity release puts it: "With all the special dates and events to remember, important checklists to accomplish, valuable documents to keep track of, life just seems to be one giant juggling act."

Now the Chico resident's dream has come to fruition with "Know It All: The Book About You" ($19.99 in paperback from Xlibris at cwknowitall.com; also available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble Nook e-book formats). About the cover, she notes that "my daughter-in-law, Kaci Koistinen ... took the picture of the Oregon Coast with my granddaughter Sarah and her dog Cooper. It signifies how big the world is and how we'll never really 'Know It All.'"

The book begins with a list of topical areas throughout the remainder of the work. Williamson begins with an opportunity to write in must-have telephone numbers (she suggests appliance dealer, baby sitters, piano tuner, plumber, and many more). Scattered throughout are already populated lists, like "Anniversary gifts by years" (for thirty years of marriage, it's still pearls), "Herbs and spices," and a checklist of "Items packed in my car."

I asked Williamson by email why she would want to produce primarily a printed book when so many "get organized" apps were available for computers and smartphones. "People like myself," she responded, "feel more secure that this book is something that whatever the reason, they could just grab it and go. Although there are various apps out there, I really think that people would be more apt to buy this book for convenience. No matter if they are knowledgeable at electronics or not."

Some of the lists are serious, such as "Important things your family should know." It suggests everything from adoption papers and auto registrations to warranties and wills and then provides space to fill in a location code (wallet? file cabinet?). Others are more whimsical, like "Memories to my grandchildren," which includes space to enter "my favorite hiding place" and "my favorite hymn,"; and "Sayings I've made up or lived by."

You could say that here is a book that fills you out without putting on weight.

"Grooving with a healthy rhythm of yeses and nos"

In "Say Yes To No," Greg Cootsona, associate pastor for adult discipleship and college ministries at Bidwell Presbyterian Church in Chico, found that taking on too much--saying "yes" to too many things--undermines the richness of life we were created to experience. Now, a just-published companion volume focuses on discovering the yeses we ought to embrace.

"The Time for Yes: Enjoying What's Best in Life, Work, and Love" ($5.99 in paperback from CreateSpace; also available in Amazon Kindle e-book format) recognizes the importance of "grooving with a healthy rhythm of yeses and nos." This is the place "where notes and silences, beats and spaces, produce beautiful music and where we move with the heartbeat of life. Here," he writes, "I've learned from the insights of researchers and writers who emphasize that our lives produce excellence when there is a rhythm of rest and work. As a percussionist would say, when we live this rhythm, then we groove. (Since I'm a percussionist, I guess I can say it.)"

Cootsona will be speaking and signing copies of his book this afternoon at 4:00 p.m. at Lyon Books in Chico.

But before one can begin grooving, we must listen. "Our yes implies that we hear the Voice of God calling us uniquely and specifically to do God's mission of love and justice in the world." Next comes "testing," "a process that verifies the validity of what we've heard." Then, at last, it's time to groove.

These steps work themselves out in what Cootsona calls the "triangle" of life, work, and love. "In our personal life, we say yes to what makes sense for the way we are created. In work, we seek to make the world a better place by using our particular gifts and passions for what God wants in the world. In our relationships, we learn how all this makes a lot more sense--and becomes a lot more fun--when we do it with others."

Such a life is a realization of beauty ("excellence, true success, and happiness"). "Through listening for our calling we find he One who calls. I believe God is faithful in calling us."

The book is a fun and practical guide for finding the right rhythms of our lives.

Graceful communication from a Chico writer

When it comes time to apologize to a colleague, what are the right words? When you need to offer condolences, or break up with someone, clear up a billing error, or respond to a verbal jab, what should you say? Barbara O. Geshekter, Chico-based consultant and self-described lover-of-words, has long pondered these questions. Her answers are now available in "Words To That Effect: Well-Turned Phrases To Read, Write Or Recite" ($24.95 in hardcover from Pale Ink Press of Chico at barbarageshekter.com).

Though the book's many examples can be used in email or even spoken out loud, Geshekter writes that "even in its humblest form, paper power is inestimable. Think of the Academy Awards. All the nominees have been announced. The camera pans back to the presenters on stage. They hold a heavy, ivory colored card, secured with a glimmering, gold seal and red ribbon (at least that's what I imagine they hold). And the winner is ... anyone lucky enough to receive one of your thoughtful, handwritten communiqués." Postcards, she adds, are like Twitter in physical form.

The book opens with reflections on the importance of clear thinking. "No matter ... how vested you are in the outcome of a legitimate grievance," she says, "if you can find a way to express yourself without acrimony it's a positive and liberating experience." Her aim in the book is to provide just the right words so that the reader says, "That's it. That's exactly what I want to say."

Geshekter discusses several personality types and how to help them "hear" you. She notes that while "less is more" in communicating with men, with women, "more is more ... more words, more feelings, more often." Are you listening, guys?

Each chapter includes "talking points" (pithy observations on the topic) and "well-turned phrases" that can easily be adapted. In writing a note to someone whose life circumstances have dramatically changed, she notes that "to avoid any overtones of schadenfreude, refrain from making comparisons--good or bad--about yourself or others. Nobody will feel better to know that your Uncle Peter filed for bankruptcy four times."

The book includes lined pages for jotting down favorite phrases and important dates. It's a practical guide that's fun to read.

To the author: Thank you.

Former Chico resident on how to stay married to a cop

"My family and I moved to Chico in 1973," writes Victoria Newman. "I was enrolled in John McManus Elementary, when in 4th grade, Mrs. Carroll told my mother in a teacher's conference that I had a talent for writing." Now, after marriage to a California Highway Patrol officer and four children, Newman brings that talent to fruition with "A CHiP On My Shoulder: How To Love Your Cop With Attitude" ($13.99 in paperback from Tate Publishing; also available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble Nook e-book formats).

Written from the perspective of an officer's wife, the book is a comprehensive, insightful and honest how-to guide that will benefit any law enforcement spouse. Newman draws on her own marriage (the family now lives in Southern California where her husband Brent works) as well as interviews with dozens of other officers' wives. "It took me years to understand that when my husband puts on his uniform and weaponry, he has to put on his mind armor as well. What he does requires body and mind, even a little of his soul." It's not the time for idle chatter.

Newman is scheduled to speak and sign her book this Saturday, April 21, from 3:00 - 5:00 p.m. at Chico's Barnes and Noble.

"I've had a CHiP on my shoulder for over two decades now. We've had a wild and crazy adventure with twists and turns and some seasons I don't care to repeat. ... I love him more now than in those early days. But that love didn't grow without choosing my attitudes carefully. I'd say this is the key to the success of our marriage and the heart of this book."

Newman had to learn to "hold down the fort" when her husband wasn't available, but she also provides a cautionary note. "We married rescuers. Our guys want to be needed. We must keep this in mind, making sure that we don't become so independent that we cease to need them. I'm talking about balance here, and there is no formula." This wise book, and its associated website (how2loveyourcop.com), cover communication, emotions, building a support system, coping when hard times come, money and marriage, sex and marriage, and kids.

And "growing old together."

Finding love in all the wrong places

Recent Chico visitor Ethlie Ann Vare, screenwriter, humorist, and a woman with a past, is now, thankfully, a woman with a future. The Hollywood resident spoke last month at Lyon Books about what she calls "affection deficit disorder." Her cravings almost got the best of her. She graduated with high honors from UC Santa Barbara and was busted and jailed for drug possession. But that was not the half of it.

"By twenty-two," she writes, "I was twice married, once divorced, once annulled, and had a felony record. I had slept with seventy-five men (yes, I counted), a remarkable feat considering I didn't start until I was eighteen and had been locked away for a year." She tells her story, with clarity, wit and unblushing language, in "Love Addict: Sex, Romance and Other Dangerous Drugs" ($14.95 in paperback from Health Communications, Inc.; also available in e-book formats for Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble Nook).

Love addicts come in three overlapping categories. "The infatuation addict flits from one romance to the next, rarely getting into a long-term relationship because ... novelty is the great aphrodisiac." "A relationship junkie is the gal with the black eye who insists it was her fault for making him jealous." "The sexaholic's life revolves around--you guessed it--sex; ... being thought of as a bombshell or a stud is paramount." The bottom line? "Love addiction is a chronic, relapsing, and potentially fatal condition. Left untreated, it can kill you."

So "Love Addict" also offers a treatment, but a realistic one. Vare has done her research on the part neurotransmitters might play in the seduction-withdrawal downward spiral, the compulsive craving for dangerous relationships followed by the intense need to escape. But, she says, one can't blame one's situation on chemicals, nor can one think one's way out of love addiction (rationalizations, anyone?). "Addiction," she writes, "is a disease of loneliness. Recovery is a process of community."

The author present several case studies of men and women who faced their "love addiction" and brings in insights from a number of therapists. She commends a 12-step approach, though while it's clear one must say no to alcohol, how does one say no to love?

Vare's answers are a journey toward hope, not hype.

Authors: "Pitchapalooza" is coming to Chico

Arielle Eckstut and David Henry Sterry know publishing from the inside out. Both are successful writers and "authorpreneurs." Together, the married couple has produced the most current and practical guidebook for aspiring authors I've ever seen. "The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published: How to Write It, Sell It, and Market It . . . Successfully!" ($15.95 in paperback from Workman Publishing) is full of real-world examples, including the success of local author Susan Wooldridge, whose "Poemcrazy" is now in its umpty-umpth printing.

After years of promoting their own books, the authors found themselves in demand as "book doctors" for others. True to their own advice, they have plunged into social media with a website (www.thebookdoctors.com) and more. Now they are bringing their well-received "Pitchapalooza" workshop to Chico.

This free event will be held at the 1078 Gallery, 820 Broadway, on Tuesday, January 18 at 7:00 p.m., and is sponsored by Chico's Lyon Books. According to publicity materials, local writers get sixty seconds to make their best pitch to a panel of experts, including the authors, who will provide feedback on the concept and its potential in the marketplace. The winner of the competition will receive an introduction to an agent.

"The Essential Guide" is divided into three sections. The first, "Setting Up Shop," deals with the new world of social networking as well as book proposals and finding representation (Eckstut is herself a longtime literary agent). "Taking Care of Business" takes on contracts, working with a publisher, and self-publishing. "Getting the Word Out" concerns the fine art of selling. Key to the guidance is the importance of research. New writers simply have to know the terrain out there--which books might be competitors?--if they are to increase their chances of a sale. In fact, the reader is halfway through the book before the authors say it's time to sit down and write.

Tips abound, like checking the acknowledgements page of similar books for possible contacts, but in the end a writer's passion must carry the day. Eckstut and Sterry have the passion, and wit. Get the book.

PROGRAM NOTE: Please join host Nancy Wiegman and me for a live edition of Nancy's Bookshelf tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. on KCHO (Northstate Public Radio, 91.7FM).

Chico counselor on promoting emotional health and good vibrations

The cover of "The Couples Thrival Guide" ($16.99 in paperback, self-published, available from shannon@thrivaliving.com) by Shannon Sheridan features a striking image from Chico ceramics instructor Janice Hofmann. Depicting an erotic embrace, the illustration is intended to suggest one of many enjoyable relationships. The book offers what Sheridan calls a "non-pathological" approach to couple's therapy based on self-appreciation and the "Law of Attraction."

The author is scheduled to be interviewed tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. on Nancy's Bookshelf (KCHO, Northstate Public Radio, 91.7 FM). A book release party, featuring music from "Spark-n-Cinder," is set for Saturday, from 7:00 - 10:00 p.m. at All Fired Up, 830 Broadway in Chico. Tickets are $20 and include desserts, dancing, and a copy of the book. For reservations, go to www.thrivaliving.com/events.htm.

Sheridan writes that "the most important thing is that I feel good" (the title of one of her chapters). "When we feel good and are really plugged in," she says, "we are connected with ourselves and with others around us. It does not feel good to hurt, demean, or disempower others when we come from a place of connection."

This "connection" has to do with the "Law of Attraction": "We are all atoms moving around at different frequencies. As we experience emotions, vibrations change frequencies. Meanwhile, vibrations are attracted to other vibrations of the same frequency." She tells of falling down a flight of stairs. "I had attracted this incident as a result of my vibration, by allowing what my friend was thinking about me to be more important than what I thought about myself." Here Sheridan draws on the work of Abraham Hicks (www.abraham-hicks.com).

She is also counts Virginia Satir (www.avanta.net) as a teacher, modifying Satir's "ingredients of an interaction" for the book. The ingredients are "vibration, sensory information, perceptual filter, meanings, feelings, and response/outcome." Faulty meanings--that the person is worthless or unlovable--can undermine relationships. The reality is "we are pure positive love energy connected to source."

In working with the depressed, Sheridan would "invite them to be angry. It introduces power and self-worth, and it works far better than any medication." From there the person may move to "hopefulness and appreciation." It's vital, she writes, to "appreciate yourself." It's the stuff of good vibrations.