“Feel, Don’t Flee: A Therapist’s Guide To Facing Your Emotions” ($14.99 in paperback, independently published; also for Amazon Kindle) offers insightful chapters on “forbidden feelings” (anger, pleasure, fear); “inconvenient feelings” (grief, exhaustion, anxiety); and “unbearable feelings” (remorse, loneliness, betrayal).
“A forbidden feeling,” she writes, “refers to any emotion we suppress because we believe it’s ‘bad’ or shameful.” So “when we attempt to push anger away or bottle it up, we only intensify its impact…. Rather than viewing anger as an emotion to avoid or suppress, it is more helpful to see it as a tool for awareness and self-advocacy.”
Each chapter begins with the therapist’s conversation with a client, followed by a list of misconceptions about the emotion (like “anger emerges out of nowhere”), with examples from the conversation, key takeaways, and “actionable practices.” Since the book is not intended to offer medical advice, the recommended practices often include mindfulness and self-compassion with the caution that professional therapy may be in order.
Helpful perspectives abound. If a person feels that self-care is selfish, a “forbidden pleasure,” Kaplan notes that “Self-care isn’t about ‘me first’ but ‘me too.’ Practicing self-care allows us to recharge so that we can continue caring for others effectively.”
“A crucial aspect of managing anxiety is understanding the difference between what is within our control and what is within our influence” (where “we can take purposeful actions without needing to have everything figured out”).
Those who have been betrayed can feel that they are defined by betrayal. But, Kaplan notes, “Betrayal is an experience, not an identity…. You are not the betrayal; you are someone who has experienced hurt and is actively working to heal, grow, and reclaim your strength.”
The bottom line is that “Instead of viewing emotions as obstacles to avoid, we can see them as vital guides—temporary, instructive, and pointing us toward greater self-awareness.”
